The Endless Search for the End

yeah and stuff

2006-02-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

2006-02-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

just about time to move and i have packed.....all of.....the sum total.....roughly...three boxes. im considering just throwing the rest away. but i am so not a minimalist enough to do that. so instead i will not rest until i am packed!!! well, except i have happy hour with some friends tonight.....and poker this weekend...but STILL

other than things are good, not sleeping very well. i dont know why i linked those two thoughts in one sentence but piss off, its my blog. i keep having strange and unusual dreams that wake me up, some about the past, some about the future, some....well i wont go into the others. =) but there was one where i was back in NYC and had to stay an extra week alone and one of my employees took the laptop without letting me print my ticket confirmation to leave...apparently i kept thinking "NO LAPTOP?!?! NO LAPTOP!?!?" and I woke up, hugged my comp, and went back to sleep.

im about to make yet another important leap in life. yay me. im all growed up. screw peter pan. now all i need is a little more grey hair and a slight belly and i will be the perfect american.

"In two years, America has gone from a sense of invulnerability to an awareness of peril; from bitter division in small matters to calm unity in great causes."calm unity??? a country that is almost divided down the middle doesnt seem like calm unity....ass hat.

2006-01-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

back on tour, will be in nyc for the next 6 days. looks like i will be out and about almost half the year. which has its ups and downs, yes it will be nice to be touring, but at the same time you have such little life when touring when a theater production between the loading of the set, rehearsals and shows, there is very little time to relax or enjoy the city/cities you are in. not to mention since i am already on salary for the managing company i dont get paid shit for touring, except all my travel expenses.

in other news, I FUCKING FINALLY GOT A HOUSE!!! it is not in the area of town i wanted to live in:

midtown - young kids, hipsters and the like, mostly democratic or independent, older cooler homes

south tulsa - older folk, mostly republican, mostly baptist, mostly newer homes, chain restaurants

luckily tulsa is not that big and i can go to midtown whenever i so choose, but still, its not the same. i made this choice however because you can get so much MORE home for the money, i got a freaking two story house! with two living rooms! not bad for a first place of residence.either way, thats all for now, time to start packing...again.

its all a lie!

2006-01-04T14:50:00.001-08:00

I am alive like Chester Copperpot only the not stuck under a rock version. I am quite certain that was not the alledged Copperpot but instead another wonderful diversion. Notice these smart ass Goonies did no dental record matching, not even a simple DNA test. No no these kids certainly are pre CSIMSCISMSICI or however many initials those shows use and it shockingly shows in there lack of dectective skills. Simple things should have shown them that ol Chester recreated the entire situation to lead them off the track of the real gold:

1) why build a restaurant over a large cavernous cave?? surely the inspections would have found such secret passages

2) everyone knows water is not that blue

3) who builds a water slide no one can use anyway?

4) There was no power to the organ, or the rock door...duh

5) even 1/4'' chains cannot hold 2 ton rocks overhead for hundreds of years.......amazing. i know.

oh yes, i am fine blah blah

move like a jellyfish

2005-11-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

eeek! I have been slacking on my blogging...but i have been as busy as a bee on crack these past few weeks. Nothing like finishing a budgeting project that takes you WEEKS to do, only for someone to change the form you linked from thus making you do it all over again!!!!! ARGHUS MAXIMUS!!!!!!!!

The lion king goes on sale in Tulsa this saturday and that means i get to stand outside the PAC in the but ass cold saturday morning trying to round the cattle in to buy tickets to this show. And we are only allowed to wear our sweathshirts that have the lion king on them, so no coat. yay, double trouble.

I am like an internet phantom, i appear and dissapear off websites more than houdini himself (which is very easy considering he died before the internet was invented).

Last monday was catherine's birthday and I put all her presents in a TRASH CAN!!! HAHAHA...no but really, she needed one badly and its a nice plastic one with wheels and lid, but it felt very funny to wheel up a trash can with a bow on it, even though there was more inside. There comes a time when xmas and bday presents are more about necessity than they are actualy gifts. For instance, for xmas i am asking money to pay off my credit card and catscan bills. yay. deck the halls my ass.

I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was at my grandmothers and I was taking down a picture from one of the ones of me she had around the house, and behind it, I found a picture of me sleeping. I got curious and started taking down all her pictures and behind them all were pictures of that family member asleep. It was very creepy and I think I want to sleep on it some and dwell on it then turn it into another script. thoughts?

And I JACK - The pumpkin king, have grown so tired of the same old thing.

2005-10-31T11:02:00.000-08:00

This is halloween this is halloween. I really love that movie. I did not like the Corpse Bride as MUCH as I liked the Nightmare...that was just classic. But I always enjoy morbid claymation, what's not to like?

Went to stillwater to see my brother this weekend, he was in town from Chicago. It was good to see him, I havent seen him since May which is probably the longest I have gone in my life without seeing him and I did not like that very much. Walked ALL over the campus this weekend shaking hands, feigning enjoyment of conversations that I now cannot recall a single one. Watched the OSU cowboys face the #2 Team in the Nation at our homecoming football game, the Texas long horns. The polls were saying we would lose by 35 points or so, but at half time we were WINNING 28-12!!!! I was so excited but I had to leave to get back to my girl and get ready for a halloween party we were going to. Sadly, my absence must have been felt at the game cause the second half we did not score once and they shut us down and we did not score again, losing 47-28. Still was proud of them that first half. Then went the halloween party, it was fun, not OHMYOGDWHATAGOODTIME fun, but they had great guacamole =) Then we went to a dive swingers bar to dance. Now i know what you are thinking, and NO we are NOT swingers, but its a dance club that is blocks from her house and we can take the neighborhood going home, and most of the time people leave us alone. There was one couple who we met there last time that is so AWFULLY nice to us. They buy all our drinks, tell her how beautiful she is. They just seem so pleasant I would love to think they are innocent, but I do have my doubts.

I really hate long paragraphs so I am starting a new one. So there. Work has been crazy busy lately, hence me not blogging as much as I should, to all you...what..three people that read it? I have finally finished most of my budgeting and now have to figure out projections for next years budget....how the hell am i going to do that since this will be the FIRST year we do multi week/city tours??? hmmm.

The Last of the Bohemians

2005-10-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, my title has really nothing to do with this post. I just liked it. This weekend was good, I got to play poker again which i have not done in a long time. It was an expensive game, it came down to me heads up with another guy, i had the vast majority of the chips, then i was dealt King Jack suited, and I raise, and he goes all in. I am concerned he has a pocket pair or something. when he flipped his cards he had 3 5 suited....wtf? I understand being low and needing to make a move, but when the chip leader raises you, you might want to think that it isnt your time to go all in. But hey, I cant complain, I won after all.

Then last night I went bowling. We were smart and snuck in our own booze...hehehe, I know its not much, but its my way of feeling still a bit of that young rebel I used to be is still there. Seems like a very small thing to make you feel rebelious and I did not really think about it until I started writing right now and began to look back on the situation. Now I have spoken about it far too much and made a much bigger deal out of something that really didnt matter much at all. So I am going to stop talking about it, very soon, I promise....like almost immediately.

I rearranged my apartment this weekend, I think everyone needs to do that once in awhile, just to remind them that things don't always have to stay the same. I made myself a reading room, very little in it. A bar and a very comfy green chair with footrest. It faces these mosques outside my back windows and I am very happy there. only I am not there, I am here, so i suppose I should stop being here and be there where I am happy. not that I am not happy here, haHA there is double negative for ya. I am happy here, because I moved my computer desk into my living room so that I can waste away watching TV AND typing on this silly blog thing. I am happy most everywhere, even at work, most of the time.

But for now, back to Lolita.

Some--TIMES i feel I got To - UH UH

2005-10-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Went out with the boys last night, that was a lot of fun. Typical boy night, there was farting, being loud and obnoxious, talking about Strip Clubs. It's funny to me how many men really don't care for them. I myself went to one when I was 18 and was in college, my friends paid for me to get a lap dance and I remember right before she started that I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring. It completely ruined strip clubs for me, which is not something I am terribly sad about. Now it seems whenever I have been dragged to one for a bachelor party or whatever, I sit back and try and figure out each of their backstories. Why they do what they do, which ones, if any, enjoy their work, which are doing it to pay for their children to have food and clothing, which are doing it to support a drug habit, or to pay for school. I can honestly say I have not had a lapdance since then and don't care to ever again. Most of my mates had similar experiences where, although they thought they had reached the "land of milk and honey" upon first arrival at a young age, they quickly caught onto that lingering stench that permeates throughout the clubs. desperation and despair. Even the poor fellows who line up on "pervert row" stink of it. They understand how sad it is they they must pay a girl who looks as good (or as bad) as some of them do to get any kind of sexual pleasure from them. That they could not get this on their own with charm and intellect. Not that it always takes charm or intellect.

But I digress, as I often do, the boys peeled off one at a time slowly heading home or to meet their other friends and I was being egged on to continue onto another bar, this time at the 'egger's' expense. How could I refuse? I went to the next bar and ordered TALL redbull and vodkas, muwhahaha, offer to pay for ME will you? This is his penance for him making me stay out later than I wanted and the awful awful headache I had when my alarm went off. I have so much to do today, I have to work on building THREE new budgets for show I have already built FOUR budgets show. Starting from scratch the build a merchandise budget, a recoupment budget, and an Administrative budget. UGH, but instead I decide to not look at numbers type on my blog...does this make me a bad person?

writing about reading

2005-10-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

I just read a friends blog about reading and I decided I wanted to write my own. As I stated, I gave up reading after leaving the english dept in college. I was tired of being told what to read. Once I started again however, I could not get enough, I think I have been reading fervently for a year or so now and it has been like finding an old friend who you are actually happy to see again. I have plenty that I would rather not see and if i did would prefer to act as if I did not know them at all.

I just finished the Kite Runner, about two kids growing up in Kabul. It was simply a wonderful read that even made me tear up several times, yes, I know, you must be shocked to know that such a macho man does in fact, have tear ducts. I was suprised myself. Mostly what gets me is anything about brothers or fathers. I don't know why that is true, I suppose because my brother and I were once so close and now we barely talk. Not because there was a falling out but because he lives in chicago and works most nights and I live in Tulsa and work most days. So our times just don't seem to work out very well. But i miss him terribly. I digress, this book is not only about two friends who are like brothers, it is also about the relationship of a boy and in his father, so yes, it was primed for me to get a little choked up. I am now in a bit of a lull. I need more titles of good books, it's hard for me to go to a book store and read the back of a book and have any idea if it will be good or not. So I always prefer to hear from someone who has read the book that it is in fact worth all the time I will devote to it.

I often wonder what kind of father I will be. Whether I will be too hard on them and not allow them to make their mistakes, or whether i will turn a blind eye to them and let them do whatever they want. I would like to think I know, but no one ever knows anything until they are in the situation. Sometimes even once you are in it, you still don't know. Really I suppose you won't know what type of father you are until they are grown and you see if they have become a good man/woman or not. Of course if not, its too late to do anything and you know you will be blamed in therapy =)

book titles. GO!

fondu party add-on

2005-10-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

The part I didn't tell you which makes it the worst of all is......they are borrowing my fondu set

We don't need no medication

2005-10-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

So, almost two weeks straight on the headaches, going back to the Dr. today. Yesterday was the first day i tried not taking any meds and my head didnt start throbbing until around 6pm. I am hoping the same happens today cuz I forgot to brings my meds to work =( I am so sick of being medicated, I feel like an old man having to take pills 3 or 4 times a day.

Went to the fair this weekend with Catherine, good times were had by all. And by all I mean us, I don't presume to know that EVERYONE there was having a good time. There were a few screaming children I don't imagine were completely enthralled to be there. And there is the ever-loving carnies, I always wonder if carnies enjoy what they do, I personally can't imagine how, but I also can't imagine why anyone would want to run for a political office. But it seems to be pretty popular. Some carnies you can tell that their countenance is one of complete loathing of everyone who is not having to do what they do, others actually seem to enjoy it. New places, new people, new...weather? They stand there with their semi-toothless grin and call out as proud as if they were announcing the arrival of a king "STEP ON OUT, STEP ON IN, FIVE RINGS FOR A DOLLAR WHAT YOU RING, YOU WIN!" (I only know that one because when I was 12 some carnies let me and my friend work there stand for awhile, they acted all funny when they came back, what i didnt know then was that they left to smoke crack...good ol carnies)

okay, so im a bit lazy and didnt finish this blog before going to the dr. this is .....6th? trip i think in the past week, at 20 bucks a pop and he basically has NO idea whats going on and says "well here, lets try THIS" and gives a perscrip to go get filled. I am sorry, but i dont have the money to be filling perscriptions for you to guess at what is wrong with me! ARGH! I am very grrr at people right now, and I don't like to be grrr i like to happpyyy.

I was invited to a jewelry/fondu party this weekend and I want to go cuz i like cheese...does that make me gay? =) btw, i do =) way too much =) see what i mean? =) STOP IT

Ich Ben Ein Berliner!!

2005-10-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

So I have moved, that's right kiddos. I have relieved myself of the burden of myspace. Too much, too much. I have moved on to a better world that I hope will be here at blogger, or blogspot, or whatever the heck this is.

Migraines are still there, but my brain is okay, which is the the important thing, its very scary when you go in to the dr for a headache and he rushes you to the hospital for a CAT scan. but alas like the cali gov. would say "It's nawd a Toomah!!"

I love oklahoma, it dropped friggin 20 degrees in one day, but I cannot complain, I am a sweater/jacket weather junkie and it is quickly coming upon me. I personally the city got with the god of....cold fronts? I don't know, some stupid god the romans probably had before they stole the greeks. God Jake or something. I digress, I think the city made this happen just so we could actually HAVE fair weather while the fair is in town. Get my pun??? hahha, i slay me.

I just recently joined soulxchange.net, its such a lamo internet nerd game that is basically a stockmarket game of selling and buying "souls" (boogadaboogadaboogada) but it is really addicting! So between that and this, there was no way i could stay on myspace!

Anyhow i know this is short. Just wanted to say hello and let you know that the blogging will continue to all my loyal readers out there, its okay!